Frank Kaminsky hasn’t gotten a lot of accolades or awards in his NBA career up to this point, which is fair because he hasn’t had an especially good career up to this point. However, that trend might be changing for him as he has just received a very prestigious and esteemed award for his performance in this game against the Pistons:
The Sprite Player of the Game award.
The Sprite Player of the Game (or SPG) is an honor lavished only on those players who most closely embody the characteristics of Sprite soft drinks in their game: crisp, refreshing flavor; throat-tickling carbonation; attractive green packaging; second-to-none ability to quench thirst; and availability in both regular and diet versions. Frank Kaminsky checks all those boxes and then some. When I think Sprite, I think Frank Kaminsky. When I think Frank Kaminsky, I think Sprite. If I were to see Frank Kaminsky on the street drinking a Sprite, I would be so in awe at the correctness of the scene that I would break down in tears right then and there.
Now I’m wondering who on the Hornets has been receiving SPG awards instead of Kaminsky. Kaminsky is such a perfect candidate for the award, given his affinity for Sprite and the fact that his personality is pretty much Sprite in human form, that I can’t figure out what sort of twisted rationale could be used to justify giving the award to anybody else. Unless, perhaps, the SPG award is actually awarded for something other than just being Spritelike in nature. Perhaps it is awarded to players who play especially well in a given game. Or players who show commitment to the community by signing autographs for disabled kids.
That wouldn’t make sense, though. An award with Sprite in the name is obviously related to Sprite in some way. And a Sprite-related award would always go to Kaminsky. 100% of the time.