Udonis Haslem has basically been a mascot for the past four seasons. Most of his time is spent sitting on the bench, and if he does get into games, he doesn’t do very much. Nor does he try to do very much. He exists solely because it feels good to keep him on the roster. His presence reminds longtime (pre-Heatles) fans about the good old days. Plus, having him as a Heatman for his entire career makes everybody feel better about the fact that Wade should have also been a Heatman his entire career, but wasn’t for some reason. Explain yourself, Pat Riley.
Haslem has said that he doesn’t know if he’s going to retire or not. If he is retiring, this is a hell of a way to go out, given that he hasn’t scored twelve points in a game since 2015. Sure, it took him seventeen shots to get twelve points, but the whole game was a big farce anyway, so there was no harm in taking a bunch of shots that he realistically wasn’t going to make (six three-point attempts, wooooo!).
And if he’s not retiring, well, we can all pretend to be happy that an unplayable 39-year-old is taking up a roster spot on the Heat bench instead of re-signing Heat legend Terrel Harris. Or Rony Seikaly.