“B-B-B-BUT DEE TEE BEE!” you blurt at your monitor as you see the latest upload to my channel appear in your subscriber feed. “F-F-FRANK KAMINSKY HAD N-N-N-NINETEEN POINTS LAST G-G-GAME AND YOU D-D-DIDN’T EVEN MAKE A V-V-V-V-V-VIDEO!!!! YOU H-H-H-HATE FRANK K-K-KAMINSKY!!!” Tears run down your face as you make this bold, yet unfounded, accusation.
First of all, fix your stutter. It’s annoying. Second of all, the reason I didn’t make a highlight video for Kaminsky’s previous game is because, out of nineteen points, eleven of them came from free-throws. He only made four field goals. This season I made a pact with myself to have some respect for my own time and sanity, and part of that pact is to not make obviously inferior highlight videos such as that one. There will be no apologies. There will be no excuses. There will only be rational explanations delivered calmly.
Now this is what a Frank Kaminsky highlight video is supposed to look like. Well, mostly. The assists are a bit anomalous (he’s had just one seven-assist game in his career and a smattering of six-assist games), but the buckets are pure Kaminskyage. That other video I could have made wouldn’t have showed Kaminsky at his best. Withholding that video was the respectful thing to do. This video, meanwhile, shows Kaminsky playing the way that his fans want and expect him to play.
Now try not to cry next time you address me.