Ever since the first game of the season where Jaxson Hayes scored nineteen points, I have had an alert system set up in my house so that I know when he reaches the milestone of scoring twenty points in a game. I’ve got it all: claxons, flashing lights, text messages to my phone, confetti, anything and everything that would ensure that I would be fully aware that Hayes had gotten his first twenty-burger.
Well, tonight it went off.
Looking back on it, the alert system was kind of redundant because I’m always paying enough attention to the box-scores that I would never fail to recognize a rookie getting his first twenty-point game. I knew that Hayes had eighteen in the game and then was taken out of the game, so when my whole apartment was filled with wailing sirens, it wasn’t even really a surprise. At the exact moment that Hayes’ 20th point registered in the box-score, I was making Pop-Tarts in my kitchen, so I had to navigate through a blinding fog of confetti to get back to my computer and start making this highlight video.
It was really disorienting with all the noise and lights, like being in a weird circusy nightmare. I really have no idea why I went so over-the-top with this when, like, one quiet siren in my highlights den would have been sufficient.
The most annoying thing is that when I wrote the program that was constantly checking for Hayes’ twenty-point-game status, there was a bug in the code, and now the alarms have been going off for almost half an hour. There is still confetti being sprayed from the confetti cannons too. I don’t know where all the confetti is coming from because I didn’t buy that much, but everywhere in my place has like six-inch drifts of multi-colored paper bits.
I have no idea what happened to Japurri. He’s probably buried somewhere meowing meows that go unheard.
It’s so hard to focus on debugging shoddily-written C code when lights are flashing all over the place and your computer monitors are blinking with the words “Jaxson Hayes Scored Twenty Points” every second. Thankfully, I’m not seizure-prone, but if proneness to seizures is something you can develop, I’m definitely developing it now. Why don’t I comment my code? Did I think I would never look at it again? Future me wants to kick past me in the nuts.
I think I heard police knocking at my door yelling about “noise complaints” but I’m way too busy right now to talk to them. Don’t they realize that Jaxson Hayes scored twenty and that I’ve gotta upload a highlight video? How could they not realize when there’s a sixty-foot-tall sign lit up on the roof of my apartment complex that says “Jaxson Hayes 20” in flashing red letters?