Attention person or persons who run the New Orleans Pelicans television broadcast: we need more replays of Zion Williamson. How on earth am I supposed to make an appropriately entertaining Zion Williamson highlight video if I am not given enough source footage to work with? If Zion does something that’s even remotely interesting, it deserves a replay, because casual NBA fans literally cannot consume enough media relating to this dude.
Luckily for those casuals, I was able to supplement this video with additional replays sourced from the Cavaliers broadcast, so this video did end up being appropriately exciting. But I shouldn’t need to put in that extra work. The big bunch of morons running the Pelicans broadcast should be doing a better job of giving me what I require.
The following is a list of demands I am hereby making of the Pelicans’ broadcast team:
1. At least two (2), but no more than fifty (50) replays every time Zion scores.
1.5. One (1) bonus replay of Zion’s ass crack after every score.
2. One (1) authentic mini-donut machine from the Smoothie King Arena concessions department.
3. One (1) replay every time Zion gets a rebound.
4. Zero (0) replays after every Zion assist because nobody wants to see him pass, they want to see him score.
5. As much footage of Zion, unused in the broadcast, as exists. Please upload the full 4K resolution video files to my personal FTP server at [server IP and credentials redacted]
If these demands are not met, I will be forced to halt production of Zion Williamson highlight videos. This stoppage will be a major blow to the state of Zion highlights online because nobody else, literally nobody, is making videos for him right now. I’m the only one.