Brazil-Australia relations have entered a new and unprecedented era of overt hostility thanks to this, dare I say it, DOMINATING display of prodigious point guard play by none other than Brazil’s own Raul Neto. As Neto dominated (there’s that word again, I can’t stop using it) the second quarter against the Warriors, Ben Simmons watched from the sidelines and wept. Well, he didn’t weep physical tears, but he was definitely weeping mental tears as he watched his unearned title of “76ers Primary Ballhandler” erode in front of him like loose rocks getting pummeled by a restless ocean.
I’ve currently got ten of the world’s major news outlets up on my screen and I’ve written a script that F5’s them every three seconds so I’m always getting the latest headlines. If Australia declares war on Brazil due to this flagrant and unnecessary display of aggression on the part of Brazil, I’ll know exactly when it happens. It will either be amphibious armies of Australian elite forces storming the beaches of Rio De Janeiro while riding on wallaby-back, or lusciously big-bootied Brazilian paratroopers parachuting onto the Australian outback wielding poisonous frogs they found in the Amazon.
So what if Neto only got two assists? Passing is for wimps and wallflowers. Real alpha males go out there and score nineteen points in a single half of play, which, coincidentally, is exactly what Neto did. Maybe the people of Brazil can finally move on from Leandro Barbosa and put their nationalism onto this guy instead. If they’re not too busy getting drafted into the upcoming war with Australia, that is.