Kevin “Butthuerter” Huerter was sizzling at the beginning of this game. Sizzling to the point that I expected one of either Dominique Wilkins or Bob Rathbun to allege that Huerter was “red hot”. But it never happened. Is that too obvious a quip to say out loud during the broadcast? Or did they never think of it? If it’s the latter, then the obvious solution is to hire me to do the broadcast. My opinion on the inefficacy of three-man broadcast teams is well-known, but I’ll just sit there and be quiet until a situation like this rolls around, and then give everybody watching a heart attack by yelling “KEVIN HUERTER IS RED HOT RIGHT NOW” as loud as I can into my microphone and then giggling uncontrollably for approximately the next thirty seconds.
Honestly, I’ve displayed scary amounts of competence at everything that is required for a professional basketball team to run smoothly: a smart GM (my trade suggestions are always the best), a hip social media team (the quality of my Twitter is second-to-none), a talented basketball squad (1 v 1 me at the park, scrub), a suave marketing team (my ideas for half-time entertainment are revolutionary), a competent concessions department (I make a mean Pop Tart and I am an aspiring owner of a mini-donut machine), a respected and talented coach (I am very good at drawing arrows on whiteboards) and a lovable commentary crew (my credentials for this position are stated above). If a team could hire me for all those roles at once, they would win championships for the next thousand years straight, provided I lived for a thousand more years.
It would have to be a part-time gig though. Because I need time to run my highlights channel.