After coming up with the genius idea of manufacturing and selling a Derrick White realdoll, and having my sales pitch ignored by everybody in the Spurs’ front office despite standing outside their building for hours with a megaphone and a notebook full of hand-drawn sketches of the product, I’ve decided to go into business for myself. Derrick White Realdoll LLC is an officially incorporated company now, and the CEO is none other than the highlight-master himself, DownToBuck.
I’m almost positive that it’s not illegal to use an NBA player’s likeness or name while making a lifesized doll version of them. If either of those things illegal (which they aren’t), then I can just say it’s a doll for my own self-created anime character named Derek Wythe. The real-life White pretty much looks like an anime character so I’ve got my bases covered there. In fact, that’s why I’m making this product in the first place. Because White looks like an anime character, and there’s a whole demographic people out there who want a huggable full-size version of their favorite anime characters.
The hardest part is making the realdoll itself. Since it’s a “realdoll”, it has to look and feel real, and that’s where I’m struggling at the moment. It turns out that filling pillowcases with jello isn’t the way to go with this. I don’t know what the right way to go actually is, but it probably doesn’t involve jello. I even tried different flavors of jello. None of them were as huggable as I wanted. The jello was tasty, though.
Also, I’m not a very good artist, so drawing White’s face on a pillowcase is really hard for me. Well, it’s easy to draw the face, but hard to make it look like a real human face (or a real human face stylized to look like anime). I wish I had some artist friends to help me out, but that would mean having friends. I don’t have any of those. All I have is these prototype Derrick White realdolls that eventually I’m going to be selling for $1,000 a pop. Send in your preorders today!