It’s time to come clean to all my loyal subscribers:
I have not watched a second, no, not a single solitary second, of the Bucks’ second-round series against the Heat. The only parts of it I have seen have been through the highlight videos I’m forced to make. And I’m happier for it. I’m not happy, but I’m happier.
The Bucks started sucking back in March and it was making me uneasy. Their defense was regressing bad. Then COVID came and rescued them from a downward slide which actually would have been a good thing because it would have tempered everybody’s expectations. Instead, expectations went untempered and when the season started up again four months later, surprise, the Bucks were still sucking. They sucked in the final eight regular season games, they sucked in their first round series against the Magic, and they’re sucking now. I saw it coming and made the (surprisingly easy) decision to not see it anymore.
Now the Bucks are down 0-3 to a Heat team that seems to have figured them out. The Bucks have outscored them in 7 out of the 12 quarters played so far, but that doesn’t matter. The wins matter. And the Bucks have zero of them.
Just thinking about how mad I’d be if I watched the fourth quarter of this game is raising my blood pressure. Imagine what my blood pressure would be doing if I had actually watched the Bucks get outscored 13 to 40. If blood pressure actually has something to do with pressurized blood, my blood would have been squirting out of my eyeballs, my nipples, and probably the orifices in my “private area” as well.
Since this video description turned out to be more of a personal blog post than anything else, I’ll provide some basketball-related insight: Brook Lopez needs to bang dudes in the down low area for forty minutes per game if the Bucks want to salvage a win or two. Especially if Meyers Leonard is going to be out there. Lopez is big enough that entry passes to him are the easiest thing in the world, so this plan would cut down on turnovers as well. I want the return of Nets-era Lopez.
I will only watch game four if I get personal assurance from Coach Buttholezer that this plan will be enacted exactly as I have described it.