Lately, I’ve been hearing murmurations that LeBron James, despite being super old now, is actually still playing elite defense for the Lakers. The source of these murmurations? The darkest, most depraved corners of the Internet, right next to all the porn.
Initially, I was disinclined to believe them. There is a reason that James’ nickname is “NoDefense SuckBalls”, and I don’t see why that reason would go away as he got older.
But in case you were still operating under the delusion that NoDefense SuckBalls somehow defied his well-earned moniker and is playing high-level defense in the playoffs, just watch this video. You will see the stark truth: that Jerami Grant absolutely BTFO him the FRICK out.
Jerami Grant. Not even someone particularly good on offense. Jerami Grant. If LeBron is getting cooked by a guy with spastic handles, an unsteady drive-to-the-bucket game, and an on-and-off jumper, you know his time as an elite defender, if it ever happened at all, is over.
Not shown in this video: a clip of LeBron getting switched onto Grant, whereupon his eyes immediately get wide and he starts begging for Frank Vogel to call a timeout. When that doesn’t happen (because teams on defense can’t call timeouts), he just straight up RUNS AWAY from Grant so he can pretend to do something else while simultaneously screaming and gesticulating at Alex Caruso to pick up his assignment. The next time up the court on offense, he feigns cramps and forces Vogel to finally call the timeout, heading over to the bench looking like he’s just been through a war.
This really happened, and you know what? I don’t blame him. Grant cooked him, he cooked everyone on the Lakers, and his 26 points are the main reason that the Nuggets won this game and avoided going down 0-3. If you’re going to go down 1-3 in a series before storming back and winning it, you have to at least win a game.