A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DUNK
INTERLUDE I: SOME DUNKS, RANKED
In our written history of the slam dunk, we have now arrived at the modern era of dunking. It would be rather pointless to expound in detail upon this era, as every possible reader will already have a thorough understanding of it. The explosion of online video has made the dunk into an art form: widely studied, widely critiqued, and possessing an inherent beauty that elevates it to the same level as the Baroque concertos of Vivaldi or the impressionistic paintings of Monet.
Instead of describing how the dunk evolved from the thirties to the turn of the century and beyond, we will instead present a sampling of some notable slam dunks along with commentary. Dunks are listed in rough order of importance from least to most.
-Billy Kimball in backyard in Alabama (no video available): The first dunk ever, after centuries, millennia, and entire geological periods had passed marked only by failed attempts.
-Tom Chambers over Mark Jackson ( https://youtu.be/UDyBSTQDwH8 ): Chambers hit Jackson on the way up for his dunk and the collision only propelled Chambers further into the air. Jackson received a pair of knees straight to his breastbone, while Chambers had to contort himself so as to not injure his jaw on the rim.
-Gerald Wallce over Bostjan Nachbar ( https://youtu.be/Z75YO5QGsMM ): Since this dunk occurred during a preseason game, it does not count.
-Markel Brown in college ( https://youtu.be/HPueT60rloM ): Brown, playing for Oklahoma State, was ejected after disrespecting the game with an uncalled-for poster dunk on some dude.
-DeAndre Jordan over Brandon Knight ( https://youtu.be/NTkN2q6sUUk ): In the companion book “History and Encyclopedia of Wrestling Moves”, this dunk appears in the chapter on Piledrivers. Please refer to page 274 of “History…” for more information regarding this dunk.
-Julius “Dr. J.” Erving from the free throw line ( https://youtu.be/OYrjX5pihgI ): Closer inspection reveals that Erving’s foot was inside the line when he jumped. However, most anatomists and physicists even to the present day will state that it is impossible for a human being to dunk from more than ten feet away from the rim, unless that human is located in a low-gravity environment such as the moon or even the black void of space itself, so this dunk remains impressive.
-Michael Jordan from the free throw line ( https://youtu.be/OD54eF2XKJA ): Somewhat more legitimate than Erving’s alleged free throw line dunk. It is also rendered more impressive by the fact that Jordan was only 6’6″ at the time of the attempt. Most scientists deny that this dunk ever occurred.
-Michael Jordan in Space Jam ( https://youtu.be/-S9W9xZikkA ): Close inspection of the unedited game tape from the Tune Squad-Monstars matchup shows telltale signs of forgery. Thus, this beyond-half-court dunk, which featured Jordan improbably stretching his arm out to reach the basket while being weighed down by all five members of the opposing team, should be considered fraudulent. Also, it was not truly a slam dunk, because his hand did not touch the rim.
-Blake Griffin over Timofey Mozgov ( https://youtu.be/xwx9HiM4Aw0 ): Please refer to last sentence of preceding paragraph. Not a dunk.
-Shaq over Chris Dudley ( https://youtu.be/0ICBi-ku-G0 ): Shaq’s dunk was not any more powerful than his average dunk, but the inclusion of a tall obstacle (Chris Dudley) lends it substantially more impact. After the dunk was complete, Shaq pushed Dudley to the ground so as to get him out of the way. Dudley displayed exceptionally poor sportsmanship by throwing the ball back towards Shaq in anger.
-Stromile Swift over Tyrus Thomas ( https://youtu.be/FfN0gF6MIRQ ): Both players died as a result of this dunk, with Swift collapsing to the ground just after managing to form a gang symbol with his arms. The game was halted with 9:57 left in the second quarter, the Bulls defeating the Nets, 34-28. An unerasable black mark on the league.
-Scottie Pippen on Patrick Ewing ( https://youtu.be/srl2Bwh6A3I ): This dunk makes Billy Kimball’s first-ever dunk look like garbage. No lie.
-Javonte Douglas in Florida high school game ( https://youtu.be/_NREJAtsyBM ): Only four words are required to capture the essence of this dunk: Navel at rim level.
-Vince Carter Olympic Dunk ( https://youtu.be/XMrPjl-927Q ): Frederic Weis never played in the NBA; his soul was cleanly flushed from his body at the exact moment that Carter went flying over it, leaving him with no desire to play basketball ever again. This is indisputably the greatest slam dunk to ever occur up to the present time. However, the future brings us slam dunks that the average present-day human cannot ever hope to comprehend. Only the most learned of dunk scholars can understand their sublime, if foreign, beauty…