Location of the least exciting point-guard battle in recorded history: Chicago. Belligerents: Kris Dunn and Jerian Grant. Outcome: Decisive loss for people who want to watch good basketball. You can argue the merits of both players, but unless one of them gets way better, it doesn’t really matter who starts and who doesn’t. Dunn theoretically…
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Bobby Portis 20 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2017)
We have to, as fans, move on from the Bobby Portis/Nikola Mirotic punching incident. We have to be mature, we have to show that we are not amused by such debased depravity. We approach basketball in a studious manner, we are students of the game, and we care not for the E!SPN-driven drama outside of…
Read MoreJosh Jackson 18 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2017)
If I’m an opposing defender, I’m looking at Josh Jackson’s smug-looking mug and getting really mad. So mad that I go hard at him every time he comes down the court, playing him close, pulling up my shorts while getting into a defensive stance, maybe even yapping a bit. He just has that tight-lipped half-smirk…
Read MoreBojan Bogdanovic 22 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (11/10/2017)
Quinn Buckner better work on his pronunciation game right quick, because Bojan Bogdanovic is now on the Pacers and he can’t say his name for beans. It comes out different every time, usually accompanied by some spluttering and soft repeating of himself. It was fine when Bogdanovic was on a team that he didn’t have…
Read MoreZach Randolph 20 Points Full Highlights (11/9/2017)
Zach “Black Michelin Man” Randolph on the Kings just doesn’t seem right. His round body doesn’t want to wear a purple jersey, and his perfectly spherical head is not suited to wearing a purple headband. I get that he’s only there to excrete savvy veteran wisdom from his wisdom-pores, but I can’t figure out why…
Read MoreClint Capela 19 Points/5 Dunks/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/9/2017)
“Clint, can you hurry up with whoever you’re texting, we’re all waiting to go celebrate,” said an annoyed P.J. Tucker as the rest of the Rockets team stood around waiting. “You can’t rush the creative process,” Clint said, not looking up from the screen of his phone where he was furiously tapping. “If it’s just…
Read MoreEmmanuel Mudiay 21 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/9/2017)
Emmanuel “Negative Rookie Win-Shares” Mudiay has bumped up the quality of his play in his third season now that a certain Jameer Nelson isn’t hanging around, stealing minutes and ruining Mudiay’s career. If the Nuggets are going to be good this year, there’s no choice but for Mudiay to step it up, because he’s either…
Read MoreJeff Green 27 Points Full Highlights (11/9/2017)
The Cavaliers fanbase is quickly going to join the list of fanbases who wished that Jeff Green was just a little bit better. I don’t think this dude has reached expectations anywhere he’s been. Partially his fault, but also partially the fan’s fault, because they keep thinking he’s going to be good for them when…
Read MoreRobert Covington 24 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (11/9/2017)
I am disappointed to see that Robert Covington is only 32nd in the league in terms of threes attempted per minute. If you restrict that to actual players who play real minutes (RIP Alec Peters/Ryan Arcidiacono), he still comes in at only 15th. That’s not good enough. At 50 percent from deep on the year,…
Read MoreBen Simmons 18 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (11/9/2017)
I’m glad to see that Ben Simmons is benefiting from what I call the “Giannis Effect”. Named after everyone’s favorite Greek, the Giannis Effect is when a certain player’s teammates shoot the ball as soon as they receive it from said player, in order to get that player more assists. I’m not denigrating the quality…
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