OFFICIAL WAYS TO PRONOUNCE “DANUEL” POWER RANKINGS 1. “Dan-You-Ell”. Since I am an expert at English-language pronunciation, you can take my word for it that this is how House’s fist name really should be pronounced if following the rules of the language. It’s like Manuel with a D. 2. “Dan-Ooh-Ell”. Pretty close to correct, but…
Read MoreTag: Houston Rockets
Danuel House 22 Points Full Highlights (2/4/2020)
Danuel House hit 6 of 11 three-point attempts in this game, which was a better mark than James Harden’s 4-of-11 from the threezone. Rockets fans will certainly be pleased that he seems to have rounded back into form after being a big ol’ booty cheek for the past few weeks. However, Rockets fans’ happiness will…
Read MoreBen McLemore 22 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2020)
All Americans, even the least patriotic or the least sports-aware, are aware that the Super Bowl is going on right now. For my non-American friends, the Super Bowl is the culmination of the American football season, and if you don’t know what American football is, you’re not missing much. It’s basically rugby but with more…
Read MoreBen McLemore 17 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2020)
James “Man Boobs” Harden and Russell “Chucksell Statpadbrook” Westbrook returned to the lineup for the Rockets last night after a blessed one-game respite from their chucktastic ways three nights ago against the Jazz. Remember, that was the game where Danuel House had 21, Austin Rivers also had 21, Eric Gordon dropped a GOD-DAMN FIFTY BURGER,…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 21 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2020)
“Dear Diary, Today before the game coach Mike came up to me and told me that I would have to be a “fokill point” of the team because James and Russ weren’t playing. I wanted to ask him what that meant but I didn’t want to look stupid, so I just nodded really serious and…
Read MoreDanuel House 21 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2020)
Danuel House has been, as the kids say, “cheeks” for the past month or so. “Cheeks” is most likely a reference to the human buttocks, but I couldn’t say for sure. Anyway, no matter which negative adjective you use to describe House’s recent play, it’s probably going to be accurate. Because House isn’t even shooting…
Read MoreEric Gordon Career High 50 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2020)
“Utah nightclubs are boring,” Danuel House whined. “There’s a few chicks around but none of them seem interested in hanging out with us.” Tyson Chandler took a large swig from the expensive bottle of wine that was in his left hand, then took a larger swig from the expensive bottle of whiskey that was in…
Read MoreEric Gordon 27 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2020)
I guess this is what Eric Gordon is on the Rockets for. If James Harden is playing like a collection of pubes (a bigger collection of pubes than the one attached to his chin), then Eric Gordon can theoretically step in and replace 50% of Harden’s production and 33% of Harden’s playmaking. I say “theoretically”…
Read MoreEric Gordon 25 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (1/22/2020)
The ideal Rockets offense, the one that optimizes everything, is for James Harden to dribble in place somewhere around the top of the arc for however long he wants (as long as it’s within the 24 seconds allotted by the NBA) before shooting a stepback three. Clearly, Eric Gordon doesn’t fit in this type of…
Read MoreEric Gordon 23 Points Full Highlights (1/14/2020)
Eric Gordon takes his role on the Rockets very seriously. He knows that the goal of the Rockets’ system is to shoot as many three-pointers as possible, so what does he do? He goes out there and chucks threes. Even though he’s not shooting a great percentage this season (32%), he’s not going to let…
Read More