It is true that Marvin Bagley had four dunks in this game. Unlike certain past occasions where the official NBA box-score has lied to me about the nature of a made field goal, these are all, uncontroversially, dunks. However, two of the four dunks are of such a sedate quality that I feel guilty for…
Read MoreTag: Sacramento Kings
De’Aaron Fox 23 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (11/16/2018)
De’Aaron Fox needs to do something about the bags under his eyes. People his age usually don’t have those, but he does, and it makes him look old as heck. I’m not a makeup expert, but couldn’t he put something on there to make it look no so wrinkly there? Like is there a rule…
Read MoreHarry Giles 12 Points Full Highlights (11/12/2018)
So this is the famed Harry Giles. The third in the renowned Harry Giles line. Apparently this guy was a highly ranked prospect at one point? I’m looking at the high-school rankings for his final year and, yep, there he is right at number one. Trailing right behind is Josh Jackson (btw I really regret…
Read MoreBogdan Bogdanovic 22 Points Full Highlights (11/12/2018)
Just based on my observations of the Kings this season, I think it’s safe to say that Bogdan Bogdanovic was temporarily lending his powers to Nemanja Bjelica so that the team could still be good while he recovered from injury. Now that he’s returned to the court, he’s taken his powers back, reverting Bjelica to…
Read MoreDe’Aaron Fox 21 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2018)
You wanna hear something sick? If De’Aaron Fox had posted a 21-point, 6-assist line instead of a 21-point, 2-assist line, I wouldn’t have made this video because I would have been too lazy to include the assists. That’s right, if his performance had been BETTER, I would have been LESS likely to make the video….
Read MoreWillie Cauley-Stein 25 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (11/9/2018)
I was all proud of myself for coming up, entirely my own, without the aid of any external resources besides the SSD I have plugged into a self-made USB port on the back of my neck, with the concept that this Kings-Timberwolves matchup was a showdown between two centers who played at Kentucky in college….
Read MoreWillie Cauley-Stein 24 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)
I don’t even remember what Willie Cauley-Stein looks like as normal human being anymore. I try to think back to when he was a rookie, but all my mind can recall is his moldy-Cheeto hair, grill, and sub-ocular tattoos that look like bruises. He’s got a look, I’ll give him that. He walks onto the…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 24 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)
Ever since our ill-fated, but ultimately successful, trip to the zoo, my 12-foot-tall purple 3D-printed naked plastic statue of Buddy Hield has been really obsessed with goats. Most of his days are spent streaming YouTube videos of goats from my laptop onto the big-screen TV in my living room. I don’t even know how to…
Read MoreJustin Jackson Career High 22 Points Full Highlights (11/4/2018)
The Kings were looking really good prior to this game. All their role-players were showing up, De’Aaron Fox was looking like a star in the making, and Nemanja Bjelica was making everyone better. Then came the Bucks, and everyone failed to show up except for this man. Justin Jackson. Him “showing up” often means “scoring…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 27 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (11/1/2018)
When Halloween night came around, I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my 12-foot-tall naked 3D-printed purple statue of Buddy Hield. My first inclination was to have him hide in the kitchen or something so that none of the trick-or-treaters would see him and call the police and have him taken…
Read More