It is pretty much my singular purpose in life to determine which NBA players are suffering early-onset hair loss and single them out through my thumbnails and descriptions. I am constantly on the lookout for players who are thinning on top or who have receding hairlines. Nothing gets me more excited than adding another player to my “Balding NBA Players List”, which is prominently displayed on the wall of my highlights chamber.
So, imagine my great glee when I noticed last season that you could see Evan Fournier’s scalp through his thinning hair. The balding process may have even begun the season before that, when Fournier was rocking a trendy topknot that served the additional function of covering up the thin spots. Now he’s got a relatively normal haircut, except it has about half as much total hair volume as one would expect from a 25-year-old. Man, life is really cruel sometimes.
I am putting Fournier on blast right now because I am secretly concerned about the state of my own hair. In mocking those who, through no choice of their own, have started to go bald, I subconsciously believe that I can forestall the similar fate which awaits me.