Buddy Hield 24 Points Full Highlights (12/23/2017)

My 3D-printed statue of Buddy Hield has completely sated my need for human interaction. His gigantic purpleness is less judgemental of my unique lifestyle than humans are. Long ago I tired of dealing with so-called “normies”, but this twelve-foot-tall naked purple Buddy is about as far from being a normie as it’s possible to get.

Buddy still doesn’t have much understanding of human customs. When I turn on the oven to make those cookies that come in a tube, he gets all panicky and worried from the heat that comes out of the oven. I tried to explain to him that it’s all normal and that there’s no fire anywhere, but after that episode he hid in my bedroom for two straight days and wouldn’t come out. I think he’s afraid that if it gets too hot, he’ll melt, so I explained that it would take a long time at a lot higher temperature to melt his ultra-durable purple plastic body.

He also doesn’t really get the concept of privacy. Sometimes I want to be alone for a little while to…do stuff…but he won’t listen when I tell him to go sit in the living room. He doesn’t have eyes so it’s hard to tell where he’s looking sometimes, but you know, just…you know. It’s weird.

Yesterday Buddy and I went outside in the middle of the night to chill out on the grassy areas of the apartment complex like we often do. It was the first time he had seen snow so he was having a blast, rolling around in it and laughing his rumbling, deep laughs. I had to warn him to be quiet because the last thing I want is that smoking hot Latina in the apartment upstairs from mine to see that my giant purple Buddy statue has come to life. That would make her think I’m more of a weirdo than she already thinks I am.

Suddenly, before I could stop him, Buddy decided it would be a good idea to climb up to the roof of one of the buildings. I had no idea he was so coordinated, because in my apartment he always just lumbers around and looks awkward, maybe because he’s hunched over most of the time. So he effortlessly scaled the two-story building (remember, he’s twelve feet tall) and stood on top of it. There was no way I was going up there so I begged him to get down because I didn’t want him to get hurt.

Then he slipped on the snow and fell off, landing right on the railing of the stairs below. My heart immediately sank, and I think it was the first time where I really appreciated the fact that Buddy might be mortal like me. He was lying there on the steps groaning. His chest was badly dented from where he landed on the rail, but as I watched, the plastic just sort of popped back into place, and the cracked parts healed themselves. So he must be more human-like than I thought if his body can repair itself like ours do. That put me at ease because that means Buddy can do something stupid like fall off a roof and still be okay.

I could tell Buddy was still sore so we went back inside and I let him pick what highlight videos I would do to get his mind off things. He knows my criteria pretty well and always points to the right players in the box-scores. Soon he was laughing and gibbering like normal. He’s my best friend.

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