Jusuf Nurkic 22 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2019)

One game after acquiring the totally pedestrian and barely notable feat of a 5-by-5, Jusuf Nurkic fell embarrassingly short of the goal last night, needing four more assists, two more steals, and four more blocks. He also didn’t even get a quadruple-double. Or a triple-double. Or a double-double. A double-double is, like, almost an automatic thing for a player like him. What was he even doing out there? Scoring? Yeah, scoring is fun, and there’s a reason they call it basketball (because the whole point of the game is to get baskets), but there are other stats too, don’t you know.

With Nurkic trying to emulate prime Kobe, the Trailblazers lost in the end to the Thunder. Even more disturbing, the alien circles have returned to his arms. They’ve been appearing on a lot of NBA players this season, and it’s troubling to me that people aren’t even talking about the blatant extraterrestrial interference the NBA is experiencing right now. Like, these damn big-head aliens come down in their interstellar craft beyond our ken, use their amazingly advanced devices to place brown circles on NBA players’ bodies, leave, and no one even notices? No government enquiries, no official statements from Adam Silver?

Am I the only one seeing this? Am I the crazy one? I don’t think so.

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