I’m so certain of a John Collins All-Star appearance this year that I pondered starting a bet: if Collins doesn’t make the All-Star game, I delete my channel forever. If he does make the All-Star game, everybody pays me five bucks. That’s five bucks from every subscriber. But then I thought, the stakes aren’t high enough there. That’s not an extreme enough bet. My John Collins All-Star bet needs to kicked up another notch.
Here are the terms of the new bet: if John Collins makes an All-Star game, all of my subscribers pay me SIX dollars, and every person who has ever watched one of my videos either on this channel or my old (deleted) channel has to pay me fifty cents. This isn’t even a bad deal because you only have to pay once even if you watched a thousand videos. I would definitely pay fifty cents to watch a thousand NBA highlight videos. If John Collins fails to make the All-Star game, not only do I delete my own channel, but I delete all of YouTube as well.
You might be scoffing right now, thinking “there’s no way DTB has the ability to delete all of YouTube.” Stop thinking those dumb things. Your scoffing only makes me more volatile and unpredictable in my anger. I’ll have you know that I am in contact with a group of Romanian hackers who have the passwords to all the YouTube servers, including the master server that contains the database. They have the database password too. All I have to do is wire them five hundred bucks in Bitcoin and they’ll wipe every trace of YouTube from the internet. They’ll even delete the backup servers for an extra fee of 100 Bitcoin (Bitcoins?).
That’s how confident I am that Collins will make the All-Star game this year. Because how could he not? The East friggin’s sucks. By the way, I refuse to check the current voting results because it’s too easy to make bets when you can see the results of the thing you’re betting on. That’s like betting 101. Duh.