So today I decided to move forward with my plan to control over 50% of the Bitcoin network’s mining hashrate. I went out to the local used computer store and asked them if they had any spare motherboards or anything else with a PCB that I could have. The guy at the store gave me a big box full of stuff he was going to send off to be recycled, but he kept asking me questions about what projects I was going to do with it. I had to tell him that I use the PCB’s to make art with, even though I don’t understand art and have no ability to make it myself. If this dude knew about my plan to become a multi-millionaire by mining cryptocurrency to the point where I control the Bitcoin ledger, he would totally want in on it. Every tech guy in the universe has dreams of making it big in crypto. The difference for me is that my dreams aren’t just dreams.
I took home the big box of parts and set it on my kitchen table. Buddy, my twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic naked sentient statue of Buddy Hield, came in to see what was going on, which was nice because it seems like he never wants to take a break from watching cute animal videos on YouTube. I told him that he did a really good job making a new high-end GPU for my computer and that I needed him to make some more so I could play my games faster. I don’t know why I lied to him like that. Maybe because I sort of felt like I was exploiting him for my own monetary gain. Which I was.
Anyway, it’s hard to tell what Buddy’s thinking at any given time, given that he doesn’t speak except in nonsense gibberish, but he seemed to accept my explanation without complaint. I also told him I needed a bunch of motherboards with extra slots to plug the cards into. He’s already shown the ability to create new circuitry on his own with no guidance, so I had no doubt that he would be able to figure it out.
While he got to work I left the room. I didn’t want to be made to feel like an idiot by watching this 3D-printed statue use a soldering iron and a pair of pliers to fashion high-end computing equipment that’s way beyond anything that’s on the market today. To give you an idea of the computational power we’re talking about here, I recently bought a few more 8K monitors for my rig, but even with twelve of them running at once, I still got a score on the 3DMark test that was a thousand times higher than any score that’s ever been submitted. And that’s just with the one graphics card that Buddy made for me. And it was still mining Bitcoin while running the test, with apparently no performance hit to the graphics test or the hash computation. All at super cool temps too.
So that’s where I’m at now. It’s hard for me to avoid counting my chickens before they hatch, but, man, I’m gonna have so many chickens. And by chickens I mean Bitcoin. Hopefully the value of Bitcoin doesn’t crash when people find out that one entity is in control of the network. Those nerds would probably fork the whole blockchain or something, so I have to make sure they don’t realize what’s going on.
Buddy is the best. He’s my best friend. And together we’re going to become Bitcoin billionaires.