Allen Crabbe 25 Points Full Highlights (11/3/2017)

The blame for me having to make this highlight video lies squarely on the Los Angeles Lakers players who were too unskilled/uncoordinated or simply too dumb to avoid fouling Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe on his three-point attempts. That’s seven whole points that Crabbey Patty acquired simply by shooting free throws. If you take the seven…

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Allen Crabbe 20 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)

Allen Crabbe is getting paid hella bucks. You know it, the Nets know it, my cat Japurri Purrker knows it, and Crabbe himself is especially aware. The Nets are the ones who offered him that contract in the first place, so I’m sure that they’re not too bothered, but I feel like the average fan…

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Allen Crabbe 25 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (4/6/2017)

Did Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe just single-handedly dad-dick the Timberwolves? The Blazers came back from 15 points down at one point, and a lot of the erased deficit can be attributed to Crabbey Patty and his triples of terror. Plus, his barrage of consecutive three-pointers got the home crowd really involved and all subsequent Timberwolves…

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Allen Crabbe 23 Points Full Highlights (3/7/2017)

Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe is quietly shooting 44% from the threezone this year on significant volume, unlike somebody like Lance Thomas who shoots 45% because he only takes the openest open corner threes. Crabbe does a lot of catch and shoot off of curls like Kyle Korver does (the one guy who all catch and…

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Allen Crabbe 23 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (1/27/2017)

“Thanks for inviting me over for dinner,” C.J. McCollum said from the living room of Allen Crabbe’s apartment. “I was getting tired of getting delivery every night.” “No problem man. I just gotta share my culinary skills with the world,” Allen replied from the kitchen. He savored the sounds and smells of the sizzling beef…

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Allen Crabbe 24 Points Full Highlights (1/11/2017)

Quick Quiz: How EXPOSED were the “world champion” (LOL[lots of laughs]) Cavaliers last night? a.) Not exposed b.) Mildly exposed c.) Exposed d.) Very exposed Question 2: How thoroughly did Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe turn Kyle “Athletic Decline” Korver into his personal bitchboy and buttslave for life? a.) Not thoroughly because Korver is not a…

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Allen Crabbe Career High 30 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2017)

The Portland Trailblazers paid Allen Crabbe a lot of money. He went from getting paid under a million dollars per year to raking in 18.5 million. With that kind of increase in compensation, they were probably expecting at least a slight bump in production. Not so. The Crabbey Patty is doing almost exactly the same…

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Allen Crabbe 20 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (5/11/2016)

So, Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe proved himself to be a competent scorer this season after not really proving himself to be one during his first two seasons. Given his value as a bench scorer/fringe starter, which category does he fall under when it comes to the Blazers’ future plans? A) Core piece, max contract B)…

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Allen Crabbe 21 Points Full Highlights (3/28/2016)

Is Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe the shooting guard of the future for the Blazers? Let’s do a quick rundown of the checklist: -Is a shooting guard -Is on the Blazers -Has traveled back in time from the future -Is in possession of one or more artifacts from the future, including but not limited to laser…

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Allen Crabbe 24 Points Full Highlights (3/20/2016)

Is it good that this doesn’t even feel like that good of a game for Allen Crabbe? Like, the fact that he’s developed so much as a player means that scoring 20-plus isn’t a notable occurrence. That’s good, right? It must be, because when I saw that he hit 6 threes and scored 24, my…

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