Kristaps Porzingis All 85 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Jumperilation)

The field of highlights theory is only just emerging as an area worthy of scholarly pursuit, but its basic tenets are already well-established. In highlights theory: a highlight video serves two purposes: 1. To entertain the viewer 2. To bring attention to the unique or exemplary skills of the player in question The ideal highlight…

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Luka Doncic All 156 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Three-ilation)

Luka Doncic drove down a wide street in a Dallas suburb that he had never even heard of, much less visited. On either side of the road were a multitude of restaurant choices representing every cuisine known to man (or at least the ones that were a part of the average American’s culinary lexicon). It…

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Boban Marjanovic Career High 31 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2020)

An extremely tall, extremely naked man lay on the smooth marble floor of the Hall. He did not stir, for at that very moment, his consciousness was being transferred from his still-awake mortal body to this new clone, which was lying dormant until it was awakened by the first spark of intelligence sending electrical pulses…

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Tim Hardaway Jr. 30 Points Full Highlights (3/8/2020)

I specifically took Tim Hardaway Jr. OFF my exclusion list because he was sucking booty to start this season. During the months of October and November, he would regularly score in the single-digits, and if he did manage to stumble into a double-digit game, it would be in the low double-digits. He was, at that…

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Seth Curry 21 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (3/4/2020)

I’m SO done with Seth Curry. It’s been great seeing him undertake the long process to turn from absolute end-of-bench 10-day scrub to legit contributor on a playoff team, but I’m tired of him now. I need another Curry bro. I DEMAND another Curry bro. I’ll even take Dell Curry back in the NBA, he’s…

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Dorian Finney-Smith 18 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)

It would have been hella sweet if Dorian Finney-Smith’s six points in the final fifteen seconds of this game had somehow stolen a sure victory out of the hands of the Bulls. Alas, the deficit was too great, and Doncic’s half-court heave as time expired didn’t quite go in. Still, it was an exciting time…

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Tim Hardaway Jr. 26 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)

I have come to the regrettable conclusion that Tim Hardaway Jr. is at the forefront of the NBA when it comes to players who score 15 PPG per game but still have a hard time getting anybody, even fans of their own team, to care about them. I have done advanced machine-learning analysis on the…

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Boban Marjanovic 14 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)

I have been thinking very hard and very studiously about it, and I have come to this conclusion: there is literally no way to stop a Luka Doncic/Boban Marjanovic pick-and-roll. This conclusion is the result of in-depth discussions with experts in the field, analysis of video footage (provided by some goofball going under the moniker…

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Seth Curry 27 Points Full Highlights (3/1/2020)

Tonight was supposed to be the night that Stephen Curry finally returned from his injury (incurred as a result of getting sat on by Aron Baynes, damn, what even happened to that dude it’s like when he injured one of the league’s most beloved superstars he sent himself on a downward trajectory along with Curry),…

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Seth Curry Career High 37 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (2/28/2020)

Assuming that Stephen Curry comes back from injury as a lesser version of himself who doesn’t get big minutes on a hobbled and aspirationless Warriors team, I would say that the chances are extremely good that Seth Curry just had a better game tonight than Steph is going to have this entire season. I mean,…

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