Jenny Smith of Houston, Texas was almost trembling with excitement. Since posting Chapter 3 of her Chandler Parsons/Jeremy Lin fanfiction on her LiveJournal, she had gotten a lot of attention from the community for her well-written, believable prose. But they clamored for more: a chapter containing true X-rated material.
She began to type.
—————————
Chandler waited, nude, under the covers of the bed. Jeremy was due to arrive any minute, and when he did, Chandler wanted him to no longer have any doubts about the next step of their relationship.
Soon enough, Jeremy walked through the bedroom door. When he saw Chandler’s unclothed state, he stopped and stared. The flimsy white sheet covering Chandler’s chiseled body left little to the imagination. Jeremy could see everything, including…
He swallowed nervously. It was so big.
“Like what you see?” Chandler teased, moving one hand down his body in a Vanna White-esque manner.
“Yes,” Jeremy breathed in response. “But it’s not fair that only one of us gets to be naked.” He hurriedly shucked off his clothes.
Now it was Chandler’s turn to be awestruck. Subconsciously, he licked his lips as he eyed his teammate’s body up and down.
“Like what you see?” Jeremy echoed, laughing. “Scoot over, you’re taking up the whole bed.” Once there was enough space, Jeremy slid into Chandler’s bed and snuggled up against him.
“You’re so hot,” Chandler growled before pouncing on Jeremy for a kiss. As their lips molested each other, Chandler felt all around Jeremy’s rock-hard pecs. Slowly, his hand went lower and lower, until…
There was a loud bang at the door. The two Houston Rockets sprung apart, startled.
“Oh no, it’s the bad guys!” Chandler exclaimed, quickly jumping out of bed to get dressed. Pulling on his jeans and cowboy boots, there was a gruff yell from the hallway.
“We’ve got the president here and we’re not afraid to kill him! Catch us if you can!”
Jeremy looked at his teammate in confusion. “Those guys just kidnapped the president of America!” he exclaimed. “What are we going to do!?”
Fingers deftly buttoning the buttons on his vest, Chandler replied, “Well, if he’s been kidnapped, there’s only one option.” He grabbed the cowboy hat off the top of his dresser and put it on his head. “We’re going to rescue the president.”
It was then that Jeremy understood the severity of the situation. Fortunately, he always kept his ninja garb with him, just for emergencies such as this. In a matter of seconds, he was clad in a fully-black robe and mask. “Those punks are going to wish they had never kidnapped the president,” he snarled, holding up his shuriken or “ninja star”.
All thoughts of intimacy long forgotten, Jeremy ran down the stairs after the fleeing abductors, Chandler close behind him. They hadn’t fled far, however, as dragging along the bound-and-gagged president slowed them down significantly; they were just trying to get into the getaway car as they were approached by the two basketball players.
“Hold it right there!” Chandler bellowed, taking out his old-fashioned revolver and pointing it at the man who was herding the president.
The man smirked, knowing that Chandler couldn’t shoot, not with the president being used as a human shield. However, Jeremy had stealthily sneaked up behind him, unseen by any of the other crooks. In a flash, the man was dead, his neck cleanly snapped thanks to Jeremy’s disciplined assassin training.
Then, all hell broke loose. The president stumbled away from his captor, trying to get out of the crossfire. Chandler shot bullet after bullet out of his gun, fatally wounding several of the kidnappers. One had managed to get through the deadly rain of bullets, but as he lunged towards Chandler, he was knocked in the head by the butt of the gun, causing immediate death.
Meanwhile, Jeremy executed a flying ninja kick on a burly man with an assault rifle, knocking the gun out of his hands. He then deftly thrust his katana into the man’s stomach, eviscerating him. Three corrupt police offers showed up at the scene to lend aid to the baddies, but all three were decapitated by a thrown shuriken the size of a dinner plate.
In almost no time, the remaining attackers were all dispatched through a variety of means, and all that was left was bloody bodies and a stunned president.
Chandler and Jeremy rushed over, with Chandler using his knife to cut off the president’s bonds. “I’m going to have to give you two the Medal of Honor,” the leader of the free world said, shaking both of their hands. “You have truly saved America today.”
The two Rockets saluted him. “No problem, Mr. President.”
————————
Jenny read her LiveJournal disbelievingly. She hadn’t written all that. It could only be…
“David!” She yelled, referring to her 11-year-old brother. “I told you, my computer is OFF LIMITS!!!!”