Chris Bosh sat comfortably in his bed, propped up in a veritable nest of pillows. In his hands was a copy of Leo Tolstoy’s “Анна Каренина.”, or “Anna Karenina”. As Chris read each word, he found himself engrossed in the worlds that they shaped. “This is truly a masterwork of Russian realist fiction,” he thought…
Read MoreMonth: May 2014
Rashard Lewis 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (5/28/2014)
Rashard “Rashart” Lewis is famous for two things: getting ridiculously overpaid to the tune of 21 million in one year, and having an odd-looking stroke on his shot. The only good thing I can say about that abominable shooting motion is that it’s fun to use in NBA 2K. I can’t believe that thing was…
Read MoreDamian Lillard All 218 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Three-ilation)
Across the land of Port The frost-covered moors Will hold their court For aeons past and to come A pallor heavily hangs From horizon to horizon And though the winds may change The fog will always prevail Twelve men take the path In number, strong, in strength, weak Advancing through the wrath The fallen haunt…
Read MoreLuis Scola 12 Points Full Highlights (5/26/2014)
Luis “Scolar Bear” Scola should be handed the reins of the offense in game five. I’m not even being funny here. Nobody on the Pacers has shown any competitive spirit beyond the minimal amount required to play in the NBA in the first place; Scola will show that spirit as long as you mention to…
Read MoreBlake Griffin All 176 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Dunkilation)
“If I ever upload Blake Griffin highlights I encourage you to unsubscribe.” -DownToBuck, 4-20-2014 They say the fall of the Roman Empire was precipitated by the death of Theodosius I and the subsequent sacking of Rome by the Visigoths. These events, combined with the ever-growing malaise of the population, various plagues, the ceding of defense…
Read MoreJeremy Lamb 13 Points Full Highlights (5/21/2014)
Who to blame for this 77-112 loss for the Thunder? Scott Brooks’ amateur play calling? Kevin Durant’s mom? Russell Westbrook’s chuck-self-out-of-slump tendencies? Serge Ibaka’s fragile, unreliable body? Kendrick Perkins’ stone hands and nonexistent touch? Jeremy Lamb’s failed glam metal/sleaze rock band, Jeremy and the Little Lambs, the failure of which has caused an irreparable rift…
Read MoreManu Ginobili 18 Points Full Highlights (5/19/2014)
You’d think that, with the amount of money Manu Ginobili makes, he would be able to afford the latest and greatest hair-restoration treatment. I mean, that bald spot haunts both my dreams and my waking hours. If I close my eyes, I do not see blackness; I see a large, empty patch of scalp ringed…
Read MoreChris Andersen 14 Points/3 Dunks/2 Blocks Full Highlights (5/18/2014)
There’s a saying, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” I feel this way about Chris Andersen (AKA Birdbro) and his former mohawk. I used to hate that thing, which I viewed as a ploy for attention much like his tattoos and facial hair. Now, I crave any amount of creativity, however forced,…
Read MoreStephen Curry All 261 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Three-ilation)
“Quit making so much noise! You’re going to wake them up!” Stephen chastised his teammate, Klay. “Remember the plan. Get in and get out.” “Yeah, yeah, I remember the plan,” retorted Klay testily, his words somewhat dampened by the black ski mask covering his head. “You only went over it like a million times before…
Read MoreKyle Korver All 185 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-2014 Season Three-ilation)
You know, sometimes misfortune just walks up to you and kicks you right in the nards. This is one of those times. I’ve been seeing this chick for a few months. It’s been working out pretty well so she moved in to my place a few weeks ago. She’s a full-time salesperson at Burlington Coat…
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