I don’t know why everybody has to be all sad about Kobe retiring. The Lakers already have another Kobe waiting in the wings for when the real Kobe is no longer around to do his Kobe things all over the court.
I’m talking, of course, about the Kobelicious one himself, Lou Williams. He can dominate the ball just as well as Kobe if he wants to. And he’s in Los Angeles for two more years, which gives him plenty of time to endear himself to the fans of Los Angeles. By the time his contract runs out, Lakers ownership will probably give Williams a mega-max contract that will hamstring their salary cap for half a decade. However, this all hinges on Williams’ ability to shoot turnaround jumpers and yell at his teammates during practice for sucking too much. Even if it’s not in his nature to act in that way, it’s worth it if he can get paid huge bucks by doing Kobe impersonations.
And if he does go this route, I demand 1% of the worth of the contract since it was my idea in the first place. Fair is fair.