Check out Andre Roberson at 1:46. Expertly trained government-certified lipreaders (like me) will quickly be able to tell what he’s saying, but for those of you who aren’t gifted in the art of soundless speech decipherization: “Come on coach.” I can understand his frustration. If I was busy making Kawhi Leonard’s MVP candidacy look like…
Read MoreMonth: May 2016
Allen Crabbe 20 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (5/11/2016)
So, Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe proved himself to be a competent scorer this season after not really proving himself to be one during his first two seasons. Given his value as a bench scorer/fringe starter, which category does he fall under when it comes to the Blazers’ future plans? A) Core piece, max contract B)…
Read MoreBoban Marjanovic All 105 Field Goals Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Bucketilation)
King Marjanovic sat in his private chambers, located at the top of the highest tower of the castle. From this high-up vantage point, the king could look out each of the room’s four windows in turn and be able to see nearly the full extent of his kingdom. Now taking the opportunity to so look,…
Read MoreDanny Green 20 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (5/10/2016)
Let me know if this situation seems familiar: NBA player (Danny Green) plays well (over 40% from three) and is rewarded (10 million per) for his efforts by his team (San Antonio Spurs), but then promptly begins to suck (33% from three) because he got paid (fiat currency is a Ponzi scheme) and doesn’t need…
Read MoreC.J. McCollum 24 Points Full Highlights (5/9/2016)
The Blazers were one “Angry Stephen Curry Who’s Pissed Off About His Injury And Is Going To Dominate In Overtime” away from tying up this series against the Warriors. Now they’re down 3-1 and is it probably safe for me to say that their goose is cooked. I won’t say that a goose has never…
Read MoreThabo Sefolosha 16 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2016)
So I was going to write a really funny description making light of the fact that Thabo Sefolosha got beat up by a bunch of cops in NYC. Here’s how it would have gone down: Thabo’s walking towards his locker when all of a sudden a bunch of his teammates all appear out of nowhere…
Read MoreSteven Adams 16 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2016)
This seemed like the perfect game for Steven Adams to score twenty. Twenty points is an arbitrary goal borne of our base-ten number system, but that’s what I’m going with. Adams has yet to score the mystical “twenty” in an NBA game, but it should be easy if you have sixteen points halfway through the…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 21 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2016)
It was a ballsy move by coach Budenholzer not to call a timeout on the last Hawks possession and let Dënniß ßchrööder do his thing. It didn’t work out this time, but you don’t get to the second round of the playoffs by not having huge cojones. What? Yes, I’m aware that the Hawks didn’t…
Read MoreAl-Farouq Aminu 23 Points Full Highlights (5/7/2016)
Do you want to hear something terrible? Al-Farouq Aminu’s mega poster dunk on Bogut was listed as a layup in the box score. Not only is that an insult to the primal power contained in Aminu’s whamjams, but it also means that, were I to revisit every dunk of the playoffs in order to make…
Read MoreAaron Gordon All 71 Dunks Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Dunkilation)
It was somewhat worrying, Aaron Gordon thought to himself, that he had somehow ended up thousands of miles away from Orlando without having any recollection as to how he had gotten there. However, this small amount of worry was utterly dwarfed by the simmering hatred that consumed his thoughts. He assessed the current situation. It…
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