Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t, but for the past few weeks there’s been some guy commenting on all my videos asking for an Alonzo Gee dunkilation. I don’t know if he’s joking or not. On one hand, Gee is an impressive dunker who deserves to feature in highlight videos. On the other hand, it’s Alonzo Gee. But I suppose it doesn’t matter now, since I’ve uploaded the video now and there’s no un-uploading it.
There was at least one person up-thumbing all these comments. I don’t know if that person was in on the joke or not. Sometimes bad comments get up-thumbed ironically. The up-thumber was probably thinking, “what if we made DTB waste his time compiling an Alonzo Gee dunkilation by making it appear that there’s a groundswell of support for the idea when in fact there is no such groundswell?”
I am hurt and outraged. But, as I said, there’s no un-upload feature on YouTube.
Since I now am in need of some comfort, I’m going to revisit my most favoritest favorite pastime: looking at per 36 stats to determine the relative value of players. These stats will be looked at in the context of my newest power rankings creation (strap yourselves in for this one): OFFICIAL WING PLAYERS WHO CAN’T SCORE AT ALL BUT STILL GET TO START SOME GAMES POWER RANKINGS
1. Tayshaun Prince (5.4 pts/36) – This has to be it for Tayshaun. Every year I swear he gets skinnier and more passive. I’m not sure why the Wolves thought he was fit to start; I would just throw Shabazz Muhammad out there as the starting SF and make everybody work it out even if there’s not enough ball to go around. Anyway, back to Prince: he looks like he’s wearing pantyhose on his head. End of story.
2. Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (6.5 pts/36) – “Defensive Specialist” is usually a buzzword for “Wing Player who Can’t Score”, but in this case, I think LRMAM is actually a defensive specialist, no lie. There was a brief period of human history where this guy was on the 76ers and actually got to score some points sometimes. Then I woke up.
3. Anthony Brown (6.9 pts/36) – I can’t write anything here because I don’t think I ever saw this guy on the court, even though he allegedly started eleven games. I bet they made him up.
4. Alonzo Gee (7.2 pts/36) – Gee Whiz holds the honor of being an 82-game starter for a Cavaliers team that won 24 games. Tristan Thompson scored at a higher rate than him. That’s another honor he holds; getting outscored by a hustle player. Perhaps Gee is a hustle player himself. Hmm. He has now amassed a third honor, thus giving him a hat-trick of honors; that honor is to be immortalized in a DTB dunkilation.
5. Andre Roberson (7.8 pts/36) – There was lots of discussion about Roberson once the playoffs rolled around, because he had a relatively high-soring game (15! wow!). OFFICIAL NUMBER OF CHAMPIONSHIPS THE THUNDER WOULD HAVE IF THEIR SG ROTATION WASN’T ROBERSON/WAITERS/MORROW: 2
6. Justise Winslow (8.1 pts/36) – Don’t say anything bad about this guy while Heat fans are around. Just don’t. It’s not worth it.
7. Noah Vonleh (8.6 pts/36) – I guess he’s a power forward so maybe he doesn’t really fit into this list. It’s still fun to point out that he’s one of those starters who doesn’t even get twenty MPG. He scored over ten points twice. Let’s just say he’s Chris Bosh minus any scoring ability, any other kind of ability, and being a dinosaur.