Rarely does DownToBuck so pathetically bow to the collective will of the highlight-watching populace. There is no reason to make this video other than to appease the large body of Dougie McBuckets fans out there, because the amount of threes that McBuckets made on the year is simply not all that impressive. To put it into perspective, John Wall made more threes than McBuckets. And that guy once went 3-of-42 from three during a season. There were 55 other players who made more threes and I sure as heck am not making a three-ilation for all of them.
An astute reader would now be yelling, “B-b-but DEE TEE BEE!!! You have to adjust for the fact that McDermott got fewer minutes than all the other guys ahead of him on the three point leaders list!” Since you are not one of those astute readers, you are not currently yelling such words, but now that you’ve read them, they make sense, right? You could have come up with that thought if given enough time, I’m sure. I myself came up with that thought before I even started writing this description.
Considering that McDermott played 23 minutes per game, we can use advanced mathematical concepts known as “multiplication” and “fractions” to come up with a total of 2.1 threes made per 36 minutes. DownToBuck loves per 36 stats because they lie even less than regular stats do. And in this case, their truthful properties tell us that McDermott was 79th in threes made per 36. Tied with Wayne Ellington. And Ellington wins the tiebreaker because you can say “He’s making it Wayne” when he hits a three. McDermott’s name does not allow for such cool catchphrases.
It’s becoming obvious that this video is substandard no matter how you manipulate the stats. But there is one stat that towers above all others when it comes to making -ilations, a stat that I alluded to earlier: popularity. This stat informs us why a Doug McDermott three-ilation is at least twenty times better than, say, a Hollis Thompson three-ilation, even if an Alcohollis three-ilation would be significantly better in terms of raw shot totals. Hollis Thompson scores very low on popularity, maybe even bottom-ten in the league. McDermott is probably among the most popular role-players. I expect this video to amass a respectable amount of views; given how Alcohollis’ videos perform in the regular season, a three-ilation of his would probably garner eight hundred or so views within the first year. Maybe even less.
Since we have determined that this video only exists because of my repulsive deference to the collective, unthinking desires of the hivemind, the only explanation I can offer is that sometimes it’s fun to make a video that gets a lot of views. And, you know, McDermott is a good fit for this channel, unlike Stephen Curry or Damian Lillard, so if you were to unsubscribe in disgust, it should be in protest of those videos and not this one.
There is a special secret code word hidden somewhere in this description. It involves the beginning of each paragraph in some way. If you can figure out what this secret word is, you will find that it perfectly describes who you are as a person. If you can’t figure it out, mail me twenty bucks and I’ll send it to you in a tweet or something.