Tyler Johnson got paid a lot of money this offseason. Like, A LOT. I know that Brooklyn was desperate for talent, but that ludicrous offer sheet to him was not the way to address their myriad shortcomings. The Heat matched, because they have talent problems of their own. Understandable, and it’s paying off for them.
Now, we’re talking about a lot of money here. More money than I’m ever going to see in my life unless Adam Silver gives me a lifetime contract to be the official NBA highlight guru. We’re talking 50 million over 4 years, a number apparently big enough to make Johnson blow chunks all over the place multiple times. I’m not even making this up, it’s not some stupid story that I’m coming up with here. The amount of money involved made him vomit. I don’t know about you guys, but DownToBuck for sure doesn’t vomit for stupid reasons like that. The last three times I chundered it was for good reasons:
Reason 1: I was cleaning up my cat Japurri Purrker’s puke and it really grossed me out.
Reason 2: I used vodka instead of milk while eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Reason 3: I thought about Miles Plumlee’s contract.
Those are all legit puking scenarios. Anyone would puke in those scenarios. Just for research, though, I’m gonna have to ask one of you dudes to send 50 mil over to me so I can see if I puke or not. Please. I keep telling my landlord that the check’s in the mail but he won’t buy it for much longer.