I think Matt Barnes’ face just grows more punchable by the year. You would think that some of the effects of aging would soften his face a bit, making it less repulsive and punch-worthy. In reality, the opposite has occurred. He looks skeezier than ever. Greasier than ever. Punchabler than ever.
I’m sure Derek Fisher landed at least once solid facial punch before getting suplexed into his own barbecue pit while his kids looked on. That’s a good start, but I need more fists colliding into more Barnes faces if I’m ever to achieve peace. Obviously, I can’t be the one to do the hitting. I’d swing my arm back and then he’d probably kill me before I even got a chance to make contact. Is there, like, a hitman who instead of killing people just punches them in the schnozz a bunch of times?
Alternate plan: somehow so enough of seeds of team disunity that DeMarcus Cousins snaps and punches Barnes out during a fourth quarter of some blowout loss.