Marcin Gortat just tied the season record for most field goals in a game without a miss. I’m going to tell you something: Gortat might not be quite as good as Rudy Gobert or Dwight Howard (the two other players who have gone 9-for-9 this season), but he is way more Polish, and in the NBA, being Polish is a very rare trait. Anybody can block shots, rebound the ball, or throw down massive hammer dunks. But not just anybody can be Polish.
Both Gorgui “I hate Polish People” Dieng and Karl-Anthony “Cries to his Momma When Polish People are Around” Towns got an extra large, extra meaty serving of Gortat’s special-recipe Polish sausage last night. When Gortat was done with them, their mouths were sore from having Gortat’s dripping, greasy twelve-inch kielbasa forcibly shoved down their throats. They’re certainly not looking forward to matching up with this guy again, because it will probably end up the same way: being taken to the back room of Gortat’s Polish deli to suffer a nightmarish torment of assault at the hands of Gortat and his authentic encased meat products.
Let’s just say that “The Polish Hammer” doesn’t only refer to Gortat’s dunks. It also refers to Gortat’s something else.