Comparisons between Seth Curry and his brother Stephen Curry are inevitable. They have similar names, they have similar games. But which one is really better? Let’s take a look at the facts.
POINTS TONIGHT: Seth scored 24 points tonight, a career high. Stephen scored 0. None. Not even a single point, which is 24 points less than his brother. It could be even worse for Stephen if you swear allegiance to the more obscure branches of the mathematical arts. Advantage: Seth
TEAM SUCCESS: The Warriors are a dysfunctional team, full of contrasting personalities and an egomaniac head coach. Stephen exacerbates his team’s faults with his showboating, cocky nature. The Mavericks, on the other hand, regularly go to the club together, bonding as teammates with their shared womanizing. Seth, as the leader of the team, sets the tone for how they play and how they party. The results of these two disparate teams speak for themselves. Advantage: Seth
HAIRLINE: Seth’s hair is noticeably thinning at the top, and in a few years he will look like Clyde Drexler. Stephen’s hair, by comparison, is totally pristine and thick. Just absolutely wonderful hair. Advantage: Stephen
ANNOYINGNESS OF WIFE ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Stephen’s wife, whatever her name is, is trying to make a name for herself, piggybacking on Stephen’s success in a shameless and disgusting manner. Just because some guy who’s good at a children’s game stuck his rod in you doesn’t mean you get to have opinions on things. Meanwhile, I don’t think Seth is even married, which means he wins this category by default. Advantage: Seth
LOOKING LIKE A LORIS: I did a Google Image search comparison thing on an image of Seth, and it gave a bunch of pictures of lorises thinking that’s what he was. I did the same for Stephen, and it just gave me a ton of pictures of Stephen, who kinda looks like a loris also but not enough to fool Google. Advantage: Seth
I just totaled up the results and, wow, would you look at that! The facts have been analyzed truthfully and with 100 percent accuracy, and they flip the conventional narrative on its head! Seth Curry, contrary to the horribly misguided beliefs of basketball “experts”, is better than Stephen Curry!