“Well, I just solidified my spot as the starting point guard going forward,” Tyler Ulis announced as he walked into the locker room after the game. He immediately approached Eric Bledsoe and shook his teammate’s hand. “It was nice being teammates with you, man, but you don’t really have any future with this team.”
While Eric struggled to come up with a response to Tyler’s brazen proclamation, Tyler had already walked over to Brandon Knight and shook his hand in a similar fashion. “Coach and management already gave up on you, bro, but now that they’ve witnessed with their own eyes what a real point guard looks like, you’re gone.”
“You don’t need to be a dick about it,” Brandon replied.
“I actually kind of do need to be a dick about it, considering I just scored 34 points and almost had a triple-double,” Tyler said matter-of-factly. “I think everybody in here agrees that it’s way more conducive to a productive team atmosphere if the point guard is actually trying to get other players involved instead of just playing a selfish, scoring-first style like you and Eric.”
“Give it a rest, man,” Eric shouted from across the locker room. “We get you had a good game and we’re trying to be happy for you.”
“I mean, we’ve already got Devin and T.J.; having another volume scorer at the point guard position doesn’t make sense,” Tyler continued, before withdrawing a small slip of paper from his pocket and handing it to Brandon. “Here. I got you a present.”
Brandon looked at the paper quizzically. “A plane ticket to Miami?”
“Yeah, well, since the team’s not going to play you anymore, I figured you might as well get an early start on your summer.” He took out another ticket from his pocket and handed it to Eric. “You too, man. I don’t know where you go in the summer so you can go to Miami too. Maybe you guys can hang out together and be sad while the rest of us finish up the season.”
“At least I can play defense,” Eric retorted weakly. “And I can dunk.”
“Yeah, I can dunk too,” Brandon added.
“Man, 34 and 9, I can’t believe how good I am sometimes,” Tyler said. “I love it when I steal the starter’s job right out from underneath the noses of two of the most overpaid chuckers in the league!”
Brandon shook his head. “You really gotta cool it with the insults, man.”
“Did I hear somebody say something?” Tyler asked whimsically, cocking his head to the side as if straining to hear. “Hmm. Must just be my imagination, because I thought I heard Brandon’s voice, but he’s gone already.” He took out his phone and looked at all the text messages he had received since the game had ended. “I gotta hurry this up, guys. I’ve got a list ten deep of chicks who want to bang and I have do my research before I pick two of them for a threesome. Ulis out.”
Still wearing his game jersey, Tyler walked out of the locker room, leaving behind stunned teammates.