Blazers-era Wes Matthews is never coming back, injury stole him from us, but at least Matthews’s shooting is looking slightly more remiscent of his days in Portland. After being under the 40% mark (remember, that’s the unofficial demarcation line between “sucks” and “is okay”) for his first two seasons with the Mavs, he has topped that arbitrary percentage this season, moving him from the “sucks” category to the “is okay” category.
To celebrate this accomplishment, I would like to mail Matthews a check for five dollars. Five dollars might not seem like a lot, but considering that five dollars is roughly a third of my total available funds right now, the gesture is more meaningful than you think. I want to reward Matthews for his improved shooting but I can’t do that until somebody tells me his street address so I can mail the check to it. I definitely don’t want his address for any nefarious reasons such as breaking in to his house in the middle of the night and forcing him to sign every article of clothing on my body so I can sell them on eBay for additional funds. That’s not my plan at all. I would never do something so illegal.