If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that high-school to college-aged males love wearing T-Shirts that have references to marijuana on them. That’s why, when I came up with the phrase “Kyle Kushma” in reference to the popular Lakers rookie Kyle Kuzma, I immediately went out to the local shirt-printing place and ordered like forty boxes of shirts in various colors with that exact phrase on them. The shirts also have a two-tone representation of Kuzma’s face with a marijuana cigarette in his mouth, and there’s also a big marijuana leaf behind his head. So that’s three references to weed in one shirt. Plus a Lakers reference. What could go wrong?
Well, it’s two weeks later and I’ve sold maybe ten of these shirts, tops. The local Magic the Gathering store took a few of them because I think they felt sorry for me when I came in dragging all these heavy-ass boxes. Then my mom bought one, but I know she’s not wearing it because I gave her the wrong size by accident and she didn’t say anything.
I also trekked down to the local college campus and set up a table outside the dining hall. Maybe I should go down to Los Angeles to sell these things because none of those damn kids even knew who Kyle Kuzma was. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know, the shirt’s got weed references on it! College kids love smoking weed!
The worst part was all the cute girls in yoga pants walking by who gave me these pitying looks. I tried to pretend I was a cool dude just trying to make a buck but they could tell I was a loser. I don’t know how they could tell, but they could. I even made sure to shower that morning, and I wore sunglasses so I would be extra cool. Then the police came and told me I couldn’t sell stuff on the street without a vendor license, so I took out my phone and started videoing in case they decided to beat me up, but then one of them laughed at my shirts so I just packed everything up and went home.
So if anybody wants a Kyle Kushma shirt to impress their friends with, hit me up. Or you can just wear it around the house. I’m wearing one right now and it’s really comfy, but honestly I wouldn’t wear it outside because it’s sort of juvenile and immature. But yeah. Please buy some shirts from me.