“Sloppy Joe” Ingles just squared off against perhaps his closest analogue in the league, the similarly flabby, the similarly slow, the similarly crafty Jared Dudley. The main difference between them is that Ingles shoots about 9% from the threezone, and also that Ingles looks like a dad who went to pick up his kid from the arena and accidentally walked into the locker room and put on a jersey. At least Dudley still sort of looks like an NBA player.
The result of this exciting matchup was Ingles scoring 16 points and Dudley scoring zero. I’m not very good at math, but my limited knowledge of arithmetic certainly seems to indicate that Ingles got the better of Dudley in this one. I am way too lazy to check if they ever actually guarded each other for significant stretches of time, but if they did, I’m guessing that Ingles’ deceptively good defense just completely shut down Dudley. Either that or Dudley shut himself down by not wanting to shoot the ball.
To celebrate Ingles’ accomplishment, I’m currently making plans to go to the Great Barrier Reef and break off enough chunks of coral to make a statue of Ingles’ head out of them. I mean, Australians have already destroyed most of it with their negligence so it’s not a big deal that I go over and take some of it for myself, right?