“Dear Jeremy,
First off, sorry about the choice of cards. I tried to go to the store to get a normal thank you card but all they were selling was Valentine’s day stuff. Don’t get the wrong idea from all the hearts on the front. I definitely don’t want to be your valentine. I know about that thing you have going on with Parsons.
Secondly, I want to sincerely say “thank you” for getting injured in the first game of the season. If you were still playing, then I wouldn’t get so many minutes and nobody would know how good I was. Not that I’m happy you’re injured. I’m definitely sad that you’re injured and I hope that your recovery is going well. It’s just that I needed these minutes for my development and when you exploded your knee, I saw you lying there and I was like “now’s my chance”.
I promise that I’ll come visit you soon and we can watch anime and play video games and eat pizza. My mom says that you should send a card when you want to say something meaningful and important so that’s why I’m doing it this way instead of just texting you.
Again, don’t think too much about the hearts on the front of the card. As I said, that choice was out of my control. I don’t want things to be weird when I see you next because you think I have a crush on you. If you must know, I’m crushing hard on one of the cheerleaders. Her names’ Brittany I think. I don’t like dudes. Just to make it clear.
That’s all man. Take it easy. Thanks again for blowing up your tendons.
-Spencer”