If you’ve been paying close attention to my video descriptions recently, you’ll have learned that my microwave died a few days ago and it caused me to go into severe Pop-Tart withdrawal. I don’t have a toaster and I’m not going to eat cold Pop-Tarts like a hobo so I’ve been subsisting mostly on Jolly Ranchers and potato chips. My twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed statue of Buddy Hield noticed that I was more lethargic and depressed than usual and I think that made him sad too. He’s already sad because we can’t go on our nighttime walks anymore ever since he punched a guy who was trying to mug me and accidentally killed him by giving him a really gross skull fracture. So the overall mood in the DTB household has not been a happy one.
When I woke up this morning I heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Usually Buddy doesn’t go in there because 1.) he doesn’t need to eat (he’s a statue) and 2.) he’s afraid of the oven. My first thought was that Japurri was being a mischievous kitty and crawling on the counter like he’s not supposed to. But when I walked in there was Buddy sitting at the kitchen table, intently working on the components of my disassembled microwave.
Now, Buddy knows that my microwave has been overclocked. There’s some stuff going on with that microwave that even I don’t understand. All I know is that I modified some circuitry and now the thing will zap a Hot Pocket from ice-cold to boiling hot in five seconds flat. I’ve told him that the microwave isn’t a toy. So when I saw that he had taken it upon himself to fix it for me, I was one part touched by his helpfulness and one part afraid for his safety.
He had found my soldering gun and my voltmeter and was doing all kinds of tests on the electronic innards of the microwave. I figured that the worst case scenario was that he put it all back together and it still didn’t work and he’d get even more sad that I couldn’t have my Pop-Tarts, so I just left him to it. Then it occurred to me that he could potentially overclock the microwave way past the acceptable parameters I had set it at, and when he plugged it in it would fry all the occupants of my apartment building with searing nuclear radiation.
I didn’t want to think about that so I sat down at my computer, put on my headphones, and started making highlight videos. I get so engrossed in the highlight process that I stop paying attention to things going on around me, so it caught me by surprise when Buddy tapped me on the shoulder. I swiveled around in my chair and saw that he was offering me a plate of freshly-warmed Smores-flavor Pop-Tarts.
I got up from my chair and gave him a big hug (hugs with a naked purple statue are the best kind of hugs) and told him how good it was of him to do such a nice thing for me. He was really pleased about it too. I didn’t realize he was smart enough to do complicated electronics work on pre-modified microwave hardware, without any aid from the internet or the manual or anything. He’s my best friend.