It’s official: Nikola Mirotic regressed HARD when he got traded from the Bulls to the Pelicans. The Pelicans thought they were getting a sharp-shooting stretch four, but what they really got was a guy who can’t even shoot over 40% from the field. Why did he regress so drastically?
-The threat of Bobby Portis punching him meant he tried extra hard to make sure he only took shots that he thought had a reasonable chance of going in
-Shrimp Poboys weigh down your arms way more than Italian Beef sandwiches do
-Doesn’t know how to get open for shots in this new offensive system where Anthony Davis does everything
-The Smoothie King issued a Smoothie Decree declaring “Henceforth, all white jumpshooters acquired by the Pelicans organization will drastically regress in their shooting abilities”
-Some players can only function when surrounded by dysfunction; Mirotic is one of those players
-Remember when Portis punched him out? LOL
-I won’t go into too many details, but let’s just say that the Ryan Anderson curse is real
-Mirotic is afraid of pelicans
When all the reasons are laid out like that, it actually makes you sympathetic for the guy. I know that when I went to New Orleans, I ate so many poboys that I didn’t have the energy to leave my hotel room for three straight days. I had to eat the little bars of soap that housekeeping kept bringing