I’ve had many cases of NBA-induced blue balls over the years, but this particular instance of cyanotic scrotum has got to be the worst I’ve ever experienced. Jaylen Brown scored 21 points, TWENTY-ONE GOD DAMN POINTS, in the first quarter of this game, then only scored six the rest of the way. In the second and third quarters combined, he scored a grand total of ONE point. He was on his way to turning Kobe’s 81 into an interesting historical footnote, or at least scoring forty in the game, but in the end, he didn’t even break thirty.
My balls were so blue that I looked down and thought they had been replaced with sapphires. Even this morning they’ve still got the hue of a sunny, cloudless sky. And they ache like none other.
I’m not sure who to blame here: Brown himself for not being more aggressive in seeking out his shots? His teammates for not getting him the ball at the right times? His coach for not running action to get him open? The Wizards players for playing unreasonably effective defense after their first-quarter torching? Boston fans for not filling up the Wizards’ arena to an appropriate level? I want answers but I probably won’t get any because I’m not going to re-blue-ball myself by watching the game again to see what went wrong.