Derrick Rose, playing well against a heavily-favored opponent in the playoffs, helping his team get the W with fancy layups and big-time jumpers. What year is it? I need someone to tell me what year it is, because somehow I have traveled back in time a couple years and I need to get back to 2018 so that my poor kitty Japurri Purrker doesn’t starve to death. This is urgent. Not only do I need someone to tell me the current year, but I also need them to give a fully working time machine. I know I didn’t use mine, because mine broke last time I tried to make things right with Jennifer (it seems like no matter how many times I try it never works out) and is sitting in pieces in a storage unit in central Montana.
It’s easy to forget that Rose was averaging 18 points with the Knicks just last year. That’s pretty decent! Thinking about that makes my excitement over these measly 17 points seem misplaced, but only until you remember that he’s been pretty bad this year. Injuries, man. Basketball is going to be so much better when humans invent easily-replacable artificial knees that are just as good (but no better) than the real human meat version.
It’s also easy to forget how insane the hype around him was during that MVP season, and how much people yearn for a return to those days. Rose had a layup that was reminiscent of the days when I constantly saw state-traitor kiddos with Rose jerseys and his latest shoes, and I admit, there was some nostalgia going on.
Those kiddos are all wearing Giannis gear now and I frickin’ hate bandwagoners. Bulls aren’t so exciting now, are they? Screw off.