Or: “From the Abyss of Scrubs there is No Escape” The part you’ve been waiting for. The part I’ve been waiting for. The end of the journey. Part 4. This part features the absolute lowest bottom-dwellers of the NBA, the ones for whom each made shot is a discrete event in their memory. These are…
Read MoreMonth: September 2018
Every NBA Player’s First Field Goal This Season (2017-18 Season Full-ilation Part III)
Or: “Scrubbiness Intensifies” I don’t mean to imply that the players depicted in part three of this four-part epic journey through the catacombs of the NBA are “scrubs”. A few of them are, but what I meant was that the players in this part are definitely on a lower tier than the players in part…
Read MoreEvery NBA Player’s First Field Goal This Season (2017-18 Season Full-ilation Part II)
Or: “A Dreadful Hodgepodge of Mediocre Role-Players” Part two of my series chronicling every NBA player’s first basket is a slightly dispiriting affair: it starts with role-players who already kinda suck, and it doesn’t really get better. Not much worse, either. You knew this was coming after E’Twaun Moore appeared in the first half of…
Read MoreEvery NBA Player’s First Field Goal This Season (2017-18 Season Full-ilation Part I)
Or: “The Players You Think of When You Think ‘NBA Players’” We are gathered here on the day of the start of the 2018-19 NBA preseason, excited to see what is in store. But first, it is time to close the book on the 2017-18 season with what hopefully will become a time-honored tradition: a…
Read MoreJosh Jackson All 65 Dunks Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Dunkilation)
“Hey Devin, we got a big problem here,” Josh Jackson said into his phone, trying not to panic. Devin Booker, answering the call on the other end, paused for a second before replying. “Okay, first, I don’t know where ‘here’ is, second, what the heck even are you talking about?” Josh felt like he was…
Read MoreBam Adebayo All 91 Dunks Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Dunkilation)
Impatiently, Bam Adebayo checked on the status of his new YouTube channel for the sixth time that day. However, just as the fourth and fifth times he had checked, he had just two subscribers. Why? Why did nobody want to watch his hilarious pranking videos? Why hadn’t he gone viral yet? He was so far…
Read MoreDennis Smith Jr. All 40 Dunks Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Dunkilation)
“Thanks for inviting me over, man,” Dennis Smith Jr. said as he walked into the impressive entryway of Dirk Nowitzki’s suburban-Dallas home. “I like your place. Classy but not in-your-face.” “Yeah, well, when you’ve made over two hundred million dollars in your career, you get tired of showing it off after a while,” Dirk replied….
Read MoreDonovan Mitchell All 187 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Three-ilation Part II)
The grounds of the SpaceX launch site were quiet. For a place that contained billions of dollars worth of equipment and materials, Donovan was surprised that there didn’t seem to be any physical security presence outside the building – just cameras. “Aren’t you afraid someone is watching us?” he asked in a whisper, pointing up…
Read MoreDonovan Mitchell All 187 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Three-ilation Part I)
Hours passed. Outside the abandoned house that Joe Ingles and Donovan Mitchell had sought refuge in, Elon Musk was ranting and raving, becoming more deranged with each passing minute. What started with simple pleas for Joe and his “boyfriend” to come out of hiding had turned into threats of injury or even death for both…
Read MoreDonovan Mitchell All 42 Dunks Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Dunkilation)
Standing on the observation platform with the rest of the spectators, Donovan Mitchell watched the SpaceX launch with a despair that was completely at odds with the rest of the group’s jubilation. His teammate and friend Joe Ingles was in that spacecraft, a craft that was headed for Mars despite its occupant’s total lack of…
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