“Dear Diary, Trades are scary when Daddy’s not around to tell you that it will all be fine. When I got traded to Phoenix verybody was sending me text messages and it was too much so I went into the bathroom and cried even though there was a part of me that was happy because…
Read MoreDay: January 4, 2019
Derrick White 19 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)
Derrick White needs to do something about that goatee. It makes him look like a villain on a children’s cartoon. I mean, he’d look like a cartoon character anyway no matter what he did with his facial hair, because of how huge is forehead is, but he could at least look like a non-evil one….
Read MoreBryn Forbes 20 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)
Bryn Forbes got the Spurs going after they went down 0-2 to start, hitting a three a minute into the game. I don’t think the Raptors hit another shot after that, and the Spurs romped on national TV to a decisive win. I admit, I bought into the storyline, and I was watching this game…
Read MoreJamal Murray 36 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2018)
2 points in the first half (on garbage free throws with 30 seconds remaining), 34 in the second half (17 in each quarter) for Jamal Murray. If he doesn’t watch out, he’s going to develop an earned reputation as a streaky scorer. The kind of guy who can score 15 consecutive points in the blink…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 29 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)
For the past few days, I’ve just been trying to forget about the fact that I am the target of a statewide manhunt. Well, I’m technically not the primary target. That would be Buddy, my 12-foot-tall sentient 3D-printed naked purple plastic statue of Buddy Hield that I ordered online for $3,000 bucks over a year…
Read MoreNemanja Bjelica 17 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)
It’s a common occurrence for me: I see a player score a considerable amount of points in the first quarter of a game, I set my expectations way too high while experiencing nearly orgasmic waves of hype all across my body, and then my hype level crashes through the floor when the player in question…
Read MoreNikola Jokic 26 Points/6 Assists/1 Dunk Full Highlights (1/3/2019)
In the dimly-lit back room of a Denver nightclub, loud swears in a language that was not English filled the air. “You rat, that was my trick!” Nikola Jokic yelled, throwing down his hand of cards in a fit of good-natured anger. “Don’t you know the damn rules?” Nemanja Bjelica took downed his cocktail in…
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