January 2019 – Page 35

DeAndre’ Bembry Career High 19 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2019)

I bet coach Bud of the Bucks is extremely upset about the fact that his former player, DeAndre’ Bembry, had a career high against him. Bud is the one guy in the NBA who would have the most firsthand experience of Bembry’s lack of conventional scoring ability. I bet, right at this very moment, he’s…

Kyle Anderson Triple Double 11 Pts/11 Rebs/10 Asts Full Highlights (1/4/2019)

Signing the last autograph for the last patient fan, Kyle Anderson waved goodbye to the crowd and headed to the locker room, eager to get out of his sweaty jersey. Enough time had passed since the end of the game that the sting of the loss wasn’t so great. And, as vain as it was,…

Domantas Sabonis 23 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2019)

Domantas Sabonis gave various members of the Chicago Bulls his “Saboner” in this game. Saboner-giving Instance #1: At 0:32, Sabonis gives his Saboner to Wendell Carter Jr. for the easy bucket off the strong post move and ball fake. Except it was more like his “Sabonass” than his “Saboner”. Saboner-giving Instance #2: At 0:53, Sabonis…

Lauri Markkanen 27 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2019)

It is painfully apparent to me that there needs to be a term for a shot that is supremely clutch but is not a game winner, either because it doesn’t actually put the scoring team in the lead or because it is later usurped by an even clutcher shot. Lauri Markkanen’s three-pointer to tie the…

Austin Rivers 18 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)

“Dear Diary, Trades are scary when Daddy’s not around to tell you that it will all be fine. When I got traded to Phoenix verybody was sending me text messages and it was too much so I went into the bathroom and cried even though there was a part of me that was happy because…

Derrick White 19 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)

Derrick White needs to do something about that goatee. It makes him look like a villain on a children’s cartoon. I mean, he’d look like a cartoon character anyway no matter what he did with his facial hair, because of how huge is forehead is, but he could at least look like a non-evil one….

Bryn Forbes 20 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)

Bryn Forbes got the Spurs going after they went down 0-2 to start, hitting a three a minute into the game. I don’t think the Raptors hit another shot after that, and the Spurs romped on national TV to a decisive win. I admit, I bought into the storyline, and I was watching this game…

Jamal Murray 36 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2018)

2 points in the first half (on garbage free throws with 30 seconds remaining), 34 in the second half (17 in each quarter) for Jamal Murray. If he doesn’t watch out, he’s going to develop an earned reputation as a streaky scorer. The kind of guy who can score 15 consecutive points in the blink…

Buddy Hield 29 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)

For the past few days, I’ve just been trying to forget about the fact that I am the target of a statewide manhunt. Well, I’m technically not the primary target. That would be Buddy, my 12-foot-tall sentient 3D-printed naked purple plastic statue of Buddy Hield that I ordered online for $3,000 bucks over a year…

Nemanja Bjelica 17 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)

It’s a common occurrence for me: I see a player score a considerable amount of points in the first quarter of a game, I set my expectations way too high while experiencing nearly orgasmic waves of hype all across my body, and then my hype level crashes through the floor when the player in question…