January 2019 – Page 9

Buddy Hield 26 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

There are both upsides and downsides to living with a sentient twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed naked purple plastic figurine of Buddy Hield that you ordered online for $3,000 but must have entered the wrong dimensions for on the order form. The upside is that you have a friend who understands you and is always loyal and will,…

Dragan Bender 14 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

Okay. So it’s great that Bender has now had four “good” games in a row. They might not have been “good” in the way that a Luka Doncic game is “good”, but scoring in the teens is an accomplishment for Bender, and now he’s probably established himself as a player who deserves more minutes than…

Luka Doncic 32 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

“What did you say this place was called again?” Luka asked, looking around curiously at the restaurant’s decor, which seemed like it had been ripped straight out of the 90’s. He shifted his legs uncomfortably in the too-small plastic booth, then decided to prop them up on the seat opposite him for maximum comfort. “Taco…

Justise Winslow 27 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

After conducting an exhaustive, meticulous, frame-by-frame analysis of this video, I am confident in stating these things about Justise Winslow: -He is a big bowl of Bustaroni and Cheese -His name should be Bustise Winslow -His name could also be Justise Inslo because he has no W’s -He should be the bust man at my…

Noah Vonleh Career High 22 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

You know how everybody heaps praise upon the NBA by allowing the fans a voice in the form of All-Star votes even though those votes aren’t even the final deciding factor of who makes the game and who doesn’t make the game? What if I told you that the YouTube channel DownToBuck, he most critically-acclaimed…

Cedi Osman Career High 29 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

A quick reminder to LeBron James: while it’s very kind of you to transfer your powers of basketballing to Cedi Osman so he can use them while your “groin” is “injured” (code for “he jacked it too much”), you have to remember to take them back when it’s time for the All-Star game. Even if…

Theo Pinson 19 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

I’m a big fan of performances where a player scores a big chunk of their entire season output prior to the game in a single game. I’m rereading that sentence and it’s not making much since, and I can’t figure out how to phrase it better, so how about an illustrative example! Theo Pinson had…

Jerryd Bayless 16 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (1/24/2019)

Derrick Rose probably isn’t going to be an All-Star, but if he was, he’d be an All-Star who was getting outplayed by Jerryd Bayless. Which would be a huge indictment on the whole system, because Bayless shouldn’t be outplaying All-Stars. Under any circumstances. Don’t believe me about Rose getting outplayed? Here’s Rose’s last two games…

Elie Okobo 12 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2019)

I have been noticing for a while that French people aren’t doing a good enough job of flocking to my videos and increasing my view counts. Other European countries do just fine, and France used to do a better job of it, but now it’s like they don’t even care about basketball. Evan Fournier? Apparently…

Seth Curry 17 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2019)

Is it too late to get people into the three-point contest? Did they already announce the roster for that when I wasn’t paying attention? If there is still a chance to do so, I humbly submit Seth Curry for consideration. He’s shooting 48% on three-pointers this season, and while his volume of shots looks low,…