I can’t stop pronouncing Ivan Rabb’s first name as “Ee-Vahn” in my head. Everytime the Grizzlies commentators pronounce it “Eye-Van” it sounds wrong to me even though I know, deep in my heart of hearts, that theirs is the correct pronunciation and mine the wrong.
You know who I blame for this? Forgotten Hawks power forward Ivan Johnson, who pronounced his first name the Russian way and not the American way. At least, I think he pronounced it the Russian way. Looking at basketball-reference, they allege that he said his name the same way that Rabb does, but they’ve been known to peddle falsehoods in the past when it comes to player name pronunciations.
Maybe another source of confusion is Iman Shumpert. He definitely pronounces his name more in the Russian way than the American way, not that “Iman” is a Russian name or anything. Anyway, the whole point of this description to expose my vulnerable side to you, the viewer, so you that you can see that I am sometimes wrong about things. That way, when I say I’m right about something, you’ll believe me because I have shown the ability to admit being wrong. It’s all a clever ploy.
Also, Ivan Rabb’s face looks like he got pranked by his friends after falling asleep at a party. I know it’s a low blow to dump on his looks, but I’m just saying. There’s like permanent marker dots all over his face.