DTB’s Best Dunks of the Month (January 2019 Dunkilation)

In lieu of a “real” video description, below you will find my thoughts on a selection of the dunks found in this “Dunkilation” (that is, a “Dunk Compilation”). Writing my thoughts free-form is way easier than trying to cram them into some kind of narrative. Let’s begin!

0:12 – Josh Hart looks like he’s ready to receive…something…into his…area…

0:15 – I feel like I am biased towards dunks where the rim makes a heavy crushing sound. It indicates primal power. And powerful primacy.

0:23 – I am used to Doncic getting a replay for anything and everything he does, so the lack of replay for this dunk is disappointing to me on a personal level.

0:30 – Gary Harris didn’t feel like yelling after this one so Jamal Murray did it for him.

0:34 – Murray does less yelling for his own dunks than for the dunks of his teammates. That’s how you know he’s a positive locker-room presence.

0:43 – If you look closely at Oladipo’s kneecaps, you can see that he still has two of them after he lands.

0:58 – Was Lowry in so much pain that he just couldn’t move out of the way even a little bit when Smart’s ass coming towards him?

1:37 – I thought that Collins was going to get a mouthful of Hezonja’s Croatian Sausage as Hezonja swung around on the rim, but Collins got out of the way. Too bad.

2:19 – Scott Hastings is making some aroused noises which I am not comfortable with.

2:25 – Josh Okogie looks like how I would look if I got bodied by Gobert. Except I wouldn’t be breathing because I would be dead.

3:09 – Careful frame-by-frame analysis by trained forensics experts reveals that this is a “thrunk”, and not a true dunk. However, there aren’t enough thrunks to make a Thrunkilation, so into the Dunkilation it goes.

3:14 – Who is Cameron? Are we talking about Cameron Bairstow here?

3:19 – “DICK!”

3:26 – The commentator was making some long metaphor here but I had to cut it off. Trust me, it wasn’t a good metaphor. You are better off not hearing it.

3:37 – Sterling Brown had some extra unused spring in his legs, judging by how he bounced off the court once he landed. He should have used it to jump higher in the first place. Common young-player mistake.

3:55 – Skinny-on-skinny violence. Young skinny wins. Old skinny loses. Is this overall the skinniest poster in NBA history? If you add their body fat percentages together you might get 10%.

4:34 – Awkward landing, weird-looking mask, girly ponytail…it gets a 2/10 on presentation, but a 9/10 on MAJOR DUNKAGE

5:16 – The best dunks are the ones where somebody gets clipped while going up and they’re just tumbling dangerously through the air while somehow maintaining the presence of mind to jam the ball through the rim.

6:03 – “Around the world” is something totally different from a “windmill”, in my opinion. But I’ve never windmilled a dunk so I will be the first to admit that I might not be up on the hip new terminology.

6:30 – Quick Quiz: who is getting pushed out of the way here? If you answered Cody Zeller, I don’t blame you, but you’re wrong.

6:34 – My Dunk-o-Meter must be miscalibrated because it only gave Bembry an eight on this one.

6:41 – Adebayo’s thrunk was so far away from the rim that it’s barely even a thrunk at this point. But it’s also not anywhere close to a layup. It’s more like a throw-in. We would see a lot more of these types of shots in the NBA if everybody was twelve feet tall.

6:48 – “Elevates and Detonates” brings me back to the Stoudemire days. A single tear drips from my eye and splashes on my keyboard.

6:55 – I am SICK and TIRED of the ongoing and egregious misapplication of the term “windmill”.

7:11 – Mildly witty commentary. I chuckled out loud before returning to stony silence.

8:05 – GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THE FRAME. Was he begging for a hot cheerleader to throw him a T-Shirt?

8:10 – I can’t tell who’s yelling but I bet it’s Joakim Noah. Garrett Temple doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would yell.

8:26 – Ilyasova’s fondness for taking charges sometimes backfires.

8:36 – Possibly the least-effective punch that Bobby Portis has thrown in his life. It didn’t even stop Anderson from completing the dunk.

8:55 – This dunk becomes a lot less impressive upon viewing the replay. The in-game camera angle makes it look like Leuer got totally posterized by a brutal lean-back dunk. Replays reveal that Leuer was off to the side while Giannis was jamming. I believe this falls under the category of “fake news”.

9:01 – I would agree with the assertion that JaVale McGee “took it in the face” (sus commentary, by the way), but I disagree that Tyson Chandler “took it in the face”. He was like two feet away from the play and never even jumped.

9:19 – Merry Krismas, Turner. A bunch of coal just got thrown down your chimney.

9:30 – JaVale McGee had been entered into the witness protection program after being postered so many times this month, which is why the commentator has to refer to him as “the big” rather than his name.

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