I am suffering from some serious post-Halloween candy overload, so my inhibitions are lowered and I’m probably going to regret saying this, but I have a total man-crush on Meyers Leonard and I want to hang out with him and play Xbox and have him give me hair-care tips. Nothing more than that though. Just two bros hanging out with Mountain Dew and video games and him telling me all sorts of crazy stories of what REALLY goes on in NBA locker rooms.
Unfortunately, Leonard going from Portland to Miami didn’t really put him in any closer proximity to me, so sorry Shia LeBeouf, I’m going to have to let my dreams remain dreams. And it’s probably better that way. As a world-renowned NBA media personality, I have to maintain impartiality and not let personal relationships taint my professional integrity.
Like, if we hung out, he’d be like “…and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t call me soft so much, that really hurts me” and I’d feel all bad about it. But since we haven’t and never will hang out, I can call him soft all I want with only small pangs of guilt. The real question is, is he softer than Kelly Olynyk, or is Kelly Olynyk softer than him, or are they at they same level of pillowy softness? I’m sensing some redundancy in roster construction here.