“Dear Diary,
One troubling ritual that the people of Minnesota take part in is that of making “snow-men”. When the cursed white sand falls to the ground in large enough quantities, the younglings of this land will run outside, sometimes even while the cursed precipitation is still falling, and make crude man-shaped figures from it. Three spheres they will create, of three differing sizes, and these they will stack upon each other to create the body of the snow-man. These men made out of snow have no legs, but they have stick arms. The gnarled tree-branches are chosen by the children for their length and sturdiness, then stuck into the middle sphere of the snow-man’s body.
The creation of snow-men is a treasured pastime for all the little residents of this land of Minnesota which is cursed by God to suffer the fate of the devil’s sand.
I am not proud to admit it, but when I first saw a snow-man with my own eyes while walking down the street towards my residence, I truly thought that Satan himself and sent his evil minions to Earth in order to torment me. At that time, I was already compromised mentally by the fact that the cursed white sand was falling from the sky, and the only thing standing between me and death was my five layers of blankets and scarves. A gust of wind might have created the illusion that the snow-man was moving; in any case, I delivered one large kick to the head of the monster, so fearful was I that it was a manifestation of Satan come to earth in order to abduct me to Hell.
The nearby child in the yard began to cry when the head of snow-man was destroyed by my booted foot, and that is when I realized that the snow-man was not a servant of Satan, but just a fanciful celebration of the cursed white sand which they in Minnesota call “snow”. Rather than comfort the child, whose tears were so vigorous that she seemed beyond comfort, I sprinted the rest of the way to my house. No longer do I walk past that house where my first encounter with the snow-man occurred, for that sick feeling of terror I felt when I first laid my eyes upon its cursed visage is still fresh in my memory.
Even now, I remain vigilant when I walk past these terrible men of snow, for one can never be sure if they are just the idle creations of children or decoys sent by Lucifer himself to threaten my very life.
-Gorgui”