Not included in the title of the video because I wanted to keep it legible: “/1 Cramp”.
That’s what happens when you play more minutes than you ever have in your entire career, I guess. You go up for one last rebound or shot attempt, and your leg says “ENOUGH OF THIS” and just starts spazzing out so bad that you can do nothing but collapse to the floor and yell obscenities at your worried teammates who have gathered around you thinking your tore an ACL or something. I tell you, when I saw him go down after his last bucket, I bet I wasn’t the only one who was thinking “I just saw a dude’s career end in the most tragic way ever”.
Stay hydrated, kids. Always drink enough water (or Gatorade, if you want to be a shill for big business). Remember to stretch before the game. Apparently magnesium helps with preventing cramping? Are you supposed to just eat it raw? Do foods come with magnesium? This is important information, because I’m becoming renowned for being a crampy bitch at the local park. I just tell the people that I’m trying to emulate LeBron James (him getting carried out of a Finals game is something a lot of people have forgotten while trying to determine his legacy), but the pain is real.
Speaking of LeBron James, we just saw him and his “superteam” (consisting, apparently, of him, Troy Daniels, and Quinn Cook) get dismantled 119-118 by Fultz and the Magic. We know Fultz had a triple-double before, early in his career with the 76ers, but that wasn’t a real triple-double. That was a stat-padded triple-double, worth nothing. This was a REAL triple-double. The Magic needed every bucket, every assist, and probably every rebound to win this one.
And not only was it a REAL triple-double, it was a DOUBLE REAL triple-double. Lots of triple-doubles, they’re real, but they’re boring. Boring buckets, lame assists, and some uncontested rebounds. This one, hoo boy, it almost certainly deserves a classic DTB story in this description box (it won’t get one because I’m a lazy bastard), because it is just chock-full of sickness. Sick layups. Sick jumpers (okay, not many of those). Sick handles. The assists were just okay, but man, so many sick layups. LeBron James is still searching around the Staples Center looking for his pride, which has been stripped from him forever.