The clock is ticking down, Lithuanians: in just a week, there will be no more Domantas Sabonis highlight videos on my channel. No matter how many triple-doubles he amasses, no matter how many thirty-point games he collects, no matter how perfect and stylish his hair is (even during periods of intense physical activity), no matter how many Lithuanian news outlets are posting my videos to their websites, I will cease making videos for the Saboner at that time. Such is the fate of any player who dares to become an All-Star.
There is but one way for Sabonis’ sad fate to be averted: every Lithuanian citizen has to donate at least one American dollar to my Patreon. Being paid millions of dollars every month would be compensation enough for continuing to feature Sabonis past his normal eligibility period.
I did just find out that Lithuanians don’t use Lithuanian Dollars anymore. They use Euros like the rest of Europe. However, Euros don’t work for me either. My local McDonalds doesn’t accept Euros. I require these donations to be made in real American money that I can really use. Either that or in Bitcoin so I can buy try to buy a wallaby off the darkweb again.
This was a low-end triple-double for Sabonis, but it’s still a triple-double and it’s still taking up too much of my time. You know who else was a triple-double machine right up until he got excised from my channel? That’s right. Nikola Jokic. I don’t want to get Lithuanian fans too excited about things, but Sabonis is sort of looking like the next Jokic, except with better hair and a better body. Too bad he can’t be on my channel anymore.